Nothing is as it Seems
by p4radox
Summary: When Robin drops to a downwards spiral, what's going to happen? He's uncomfortably numb now. No one believes him. Better than it sounds. Warning: Schizophrenia, Self Harm & Angst
1. Starting Out

Chapter 1:

Dick Grayson, aka Robin, slumped down behind his closed door after an exhausting night with Bruce Wayne, aka the infamous Batman. Lucius liked to call it "sperlunking" in the beginning of Bruce's career as Batman. Dick held his head in his calloused, rough hands, letting out a weary sigh. His hands had been through battles, some able to scare one into speechlessness. Scratch that; his mind and body had become a war zone these days.

It was a weekend, thank God, so he didn't have to worry about having to get up for school the following morning. He slowly and painfully picked himself up off the floor. That's all he seemed to be doing these days-picking himself back up again.

He let out another sigh, and ran his hands through his dirty ebony locks as he turned on the shower in his large bathroom at Wayne Manor. He took off his clothes slowly, and threw them on the floor. 'I'll get them later.' he thought to himself. He stepped into the steaming shower and let the water pour down on him.

It had been a tough night. Joker had escaped Arkham with Harley-what a surprise. 'I swear, he always fucking escapes.' Dick angrily thought. Joker was ready for the Dynamic Duo, too. It took him and Batman absolutely _forever_ to get him back to Arkham. Joker nailed Robin a few times throughout the fighting. A knife wound to his right side, a puff of laughing gas to the face, (which he was prepared for and injected the antidote from his belt), etc. He was used to it though. Then they stopped a drug dealer, but that was typical. Even Bane decided to show up, and left bombs placed around Gotham's perimeter. Him and Batman almost didn't make it in time. They had fifteen minutes to diffuse each bomb. Robin had his last bomb in view, the one bordering the beach, just as it blew. He was knocked back from the explosion, but his momentum placed him into a dive roll with only a few burns and a minor concussion. However, they weren't the large bombs as the two had feared, so not a lot of damage was done. Still, it felt like a failure to Robin.

He hated letting Batman down. Just another thing to add to the list. He sat down on his shower floor, hugged himself tightly, and muffled a scream. He's been Robin for 5 years, but it was getting harder and harder to balance two lives. He's more worn and beaten. Physically, he heals in no time. Mentally, it's getting harder. He stopped and stared at the shower wall. He knew his release, as much as he hated it. He grabbed his face razor, and sliced across his forearm. A few here, a few there. He watched as the blood cascaded down his forearms. He put the razor back, and let the hot water sting his new wounds. He placed them messily enough to look like they were acquired in a fight. He got up, finished his shower, and turned off the water. Reaching for the towel on the rack, he wrapped it around his lean waist, and looked in the mirror. He muffled a yell when he saw he wasn't alone.


	2. What's Happening?

Chapter 2:

Bruce sat in the chair facing the Bat Computer with his cowl down. He was tired as hell after tonight. But his thoughts floated to Dick. He knew his Robin was strong, but was Dick faring okay? He was become more tired-not the tired sleep can fix. Bruce knew exactly how that felt. He was losing weight fast and seemed less intuitive. Today especially. He'd keep a closer eye on his baby bird.

He remembered Dick's first days at the Manor, always wanting to be with Bruce, and snuggling closer to him when he had his nightmares. From his race car days on Bruce's back to the first Robin days with his stuffed animals safely packed away in the Batmobile during missions, he always was the light in Bruce's life. He never wanted anything to hurt his bird, and he tried his hardest to make sure nothing did.

Bruce sighed, and walked upstairs out of the old grandfather clock and into Wayne Manor. He needed to stretch out and sleep. He had a busy day at the Watchtower tomorrow. He crept past Dick's room, hoping he was sleeping. If his young ward was anything like him, he was still awake. Yep, just as he suspected, light was coming from the bottom of his bathroom door. He'd check on him after he took a shower himself. He showered quickly, and walked past Dick's room again. Alfred walked beside him, and peered in too. Alfred loved Dick like a grandson, and their bond was indeed strong.

"He better get to bed soon, Alfred. We had a long night."

"He'll be fine Master Bruce."


	3. That's Not What I Expected

Chapter 3:

Staring in the mirror was... himself. But, next to him was another version of him.

"Wh-what-who are you?" Dick said to the clone in the mirror.

"What does it look like? I'm you of course." said his clone.

"I-I don't understand." Dick tensed, ready to fight.

The clone looked at Dick smugly, "Don't even try, I know every move you do and can predict it before you'll even make it. After all, I am you."

"You're not real!"

"I'm more real than you'll ever know, Dickie-boy."

Dick punched the mirror, and the clone went away. He shattered the mirror, along with his knuckles and hand.

"Ow, fuck, fuck!" he yelled.

"Master Richard, is everything okay in there?"

"Yes Alfred, i just-uh- I jammed my toe."

"Try to refrain from the language, Master Richard. You and Master Bruce are filling up the swear jar."

"Sorry Alfie. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Master Richard. Sleep tight"

Dick looked back in the shattered remains of the mirror.

"Yes, goodnight Dickieeeeeeeeeee." the clone smirked at him.

Dick didn't sleep that night.


	4. Just Stay Awake

Chapter 4:

Bruce woke up and rolled out of bed. He had a rather nice sleep for once, not something he's gifted with often. He walked downstairs and sat down to Alfred laying out an array of food. He heard padded footsteps as Dick came down and sat next to him. Bruce looked shocked. He had dark circles under his eyes. They were red, puffy and bloodshot. His face looked totally sunken and he looked nervous and fidgety. His eyes were somewhere else. Bruce shot a look to Alfred, who was staring right back at him.

"Dick?" He didn't answer.

"Dick? Dick?" still no answer.

"RICHARD GRAYSON!"

Dick flinched as he turned to look at Bruce.

"…yeah?"

"Did you even sleep last night?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You look awful, son. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just.. just tired. That's all."

Dick was not feeling the aster- heavy on the dis. He couldn't sleep at all that night. He was on edge. He was tired. So damn tired. He-he kept hearing these voices in his head. It was unsettling. He felt not in control for once in his life. His mind was a bull in a china shop. It wouldn't stop and was making everything worse. He was thinking about the confrontation with the clone of him in the bathroom. He just didn't understand. He heard heavy footsteps down the hall and knew that was his cue to leave his room.

He came downstairs and sat next to Bruce. He looked up and-

The clone was there. Staring at him, wiggling his eyebrows and sitting on the counter munching on an apple.

"Have a nice sleep Dickie bird?"

Dick looked around and saw no one else was panicking. He knew it was just him, but he didn't want Bruce or Alfred to find out. So he just stared.

"Come on. Talk to me. I had fun last night."

Dick heard a tugging in his mind. 'Dick?' 'Dick? Dick?'

"RICHARD GRAYSON!"

Oh. It was Bruce.

"..yeah?"

'_No, no, he can't know. I lied._'

"You look awful son. Are you alright?

"Yeah, just.. just tired. That's all."

It was only a matter of time until the World's Greatest Detective found out the truth.

Today was going to be difficult.


	5. Changed

Chapter 5:

Dick walked upstairs into his room. He was extremely exhausted. He heavily carried himself into the bathroom and collapsed onto the floor. Dick was so confused. He took the razor from the shower and did what he thought was best; added to yesterday's wounds. He was overall sore and the fresh pain reminded him he was here. It cleared his thoughts for a moment. He told himself he would get through the day. He could do it.

He cleaned his arms, and changed into gray sweatpants that hung loosely on his hips and a black long sleeve shirt, reminding himself Bruce couldn't find his arms. He walked down to the Bat Cave, grabbed a water bottle and a towel from the exercise room, and started running on the treadmill. He was running for over an hour when Batman called him to sit down. He was dressed in his Bat Suit in front of the Bat Computer and had a seat placed across from him. "Come here Dick. I want to talk to you." He shut the treadmill off, and walked over to his father.

Batman asked him something along the lines if he was okay. But Dick's attention was elsewhere. The clone was back, standing behind Batman with an elbow on his shoulder.

"HEY DICKIE!"

He looked back at Batman, attempting to ignore his clone.

"I'm okay, Batman, just-" He wasn't ready to see his clone morph into Joker, holding a knife to Batman's throat. Dick got up, shaking.

"Well hello Boy Blunder. Happy to see you again."

The knowledge that it was a vision was slowly slipping his mind. He told something to Batman along the lines of, 'don't move, Joker!' What happened next was a giant blur, except that he lunged at Joker, tackling him to the ground. Cackling ensued, as the Joker vision morphed back to his clone.

"You really blew it now, Dickie." the evil version in front of him said.

The next thing he knew, he blacked out.

To say Bruce was worried about his son was an understatement. He walked down to the Bat Cave in uniform to see Dick in the training section running. His eyes looked dull, like they were focused on other things. He sat down and pulled a chair to face across from him.

"Come here Dick. I want to talk to you."

"Coming."

"Dick, are you okay? I mean, you don't seem like yourself right now."

"I'm okay, Batman, just-" Dick stopped, and was looking over Bruce's shoulder, eyes wide.

"Just what, Dick?" Dick started to shake. He got out of the chair.

"Dick, what's the matter?"

"Dammit, you leave him alone. Batman, don't-just-God. Don't move. He's-he's here."

"Who, Dick?"

"…Joker."

Batman jumped up and turned around, only to find… nothing.

"Dick, there's no one here."

"Get away from him!" and he lunged at the empty space next to Bruce.

"Dick! Stop! Stop!"

Bruce had never seen anything like it. Dick had become.. ravenous. Dick fell to the ground, shaking and convulsing. He pulled a tranquilizing syringe from his belt and stuck the syringe into his neck.

"We're going to the Watchtower."

Batman grabbed Dick's mask, placed it on his face, and disappeared in a beam of light.


	6. New Perspective

Chapter 6:

Dick opened his bleary eyes and looked around. Man, did his head hurt. Suddenly, everything flowed back to him. People were talking in his head. He knew this wasn't good. He turned to see Batman, now Bruce, with his cowl down asleep in the chair next to him. He knew this was his chance to get out of bed and walk around, stretch his legs and clear his head. But someone had other ideas, and held a death grip on Dick's wrist.

"Not. So. Fast."

"Bruce?"

"Dickie, it's me."

"Wh-what happened?"

"You claimed the Joker was in the Bat Cave, and attacked him. However, nothing was there Dick."

The voices were getting louder in his head as he tried to block them out.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"What? Can you say that louder Bruce?"

"I said-"

"SHUT UP!"

"…..Dick… what's going on?"

"Not you Bruce! I'm sorry!"

"I'm hearing things, Bruce. I'm seeing people. I don't know what to do."

"When did this start?"

"After we got back from our patrol last night. An alternate version of me.. a clone… was talking to me. He was at the breakfast table this morning. Then, he was leaning on your shoulder, then-he-he turned into Joker and had a knife to your neck. I had to stop him.. I forgot it was a vision.. I'm sorry."

"Dick, you don't have to be sorry. This isn't your fault, okay?"

"Okay…" Bruce swore he saw something in Dick's eyes, something that scared him. Almost a flash of yellow in his bright blue orbs, and disappear.

"I'll have J'onn run some diagnostic tests in your mind."

"Okay…"

Robin went and sat down in the loft next to J'onn, Flash and Wonder Woman. J'onn knew of his situation, and was probing through his mind, which had a large barrier. '_Ugh.. Bats.'_ he thought to himself. Robin usually brought a presence into the room that lightened the mood of everyone. Today, his mind seemed artificial. It almost wasn't his. The mind seemed corroded, worn, and uncomfortable. J'onn knew what a mental illness felt like, and this wasn't it. J'onn could see Flash and Wonder Woman noticed the change, and were worried. He knew how much everyone cared for young Robin, and how much Robin was trying to keep conversation and not listen to the voices. J'onn was worried. He got up and floated to Batman's room in the Tower. He reported his information sadly, and left.

Whatever was happening to Bruce's son, he did not like. He did not want to accept that this was something in his mind. '_Something had to have happened!' _ he thought to himself. But maybe, it wasn't. Maybe Dick was cracking. And the stone-hard Batman would have to accept that. But not yet.

He looked over to Dick, who was mumbling incoherently to himself and staring around the room. There was another one here, that only Dick could see. It was only a matter of time before this gets worse.


	7. I Once Knew You

Chapter 7:

While Batman was at the computer, Dick walked into his room, having a silent showdown with alternate him.

"Ya know Di-I mean, Robbie poo. You're him right now right? Anyways, we could have a lot of fun."

"No, go away."

"Adrenaline, thrill, let's get some. Come on. Let loose a little. You're too tightly wound."

"I will kill you."

"Go ahead! It would only be killing you too. I _know _what you're feeling right now Robin. You feel burdened, like nothing you know is the same. You're tired, and you don't know how much longer you can take it. That's okay. I get it. Come with me for a while. Ignore the voices, and come with me."

Robin looked conflicted.

"Not now, later tonight."

"Atta-boy Robbie!" and the clone disappeared. But the voices took his place. They scared Robin, but he wouldn't admit. He wanted to give in to what they were saying.

"Batman, can we leave?"

"Yes, Robin. I'll send the diagnostics to the lab."

It had been a long time after the scene in the Bat Cave when they returned home. Dick ran up to his bed, and sat down. He held his hands over his ears, and cried. This wasn't okay anymore. He felt large arms encircle him and looked up to find Alfred giving him a warm embrace.

"Alfred, the-the voices."

"It's okay Master Richard. It's not your fault. I'm here now, shh. I'm here."

Dick didn't sleep again that night, and neither did Bruce. Both father and son were trying to think about what to do about the situation. Dick added to the wounds on his arms. It caused him to feel free, almost relaxed for once. Bruce didn't allow him to go on patrol that night. But, Dick had other ideas. Sure, he wasn't going on patrol, but he was still going out.

He dressed himself in a red hoodie and black jeans. He opened his window, and flipped out. He ran out of Wayne Manor and into the cold night. The coldness enveloped him and he became calm. He felt like the cold was all that he knew; it had become a part of him. With everything that's been going on, he's learned to accept that he's officially fucked. He was waiting for alternate him to appear, just like he said. He neared a street light and saw him standing under it.

"Well, what did you have in mind?" Dick asked him.

"Well. Now that we're finally alone, we can have some fun."

"….Fun?"

"Yeah! Come on."

Dick was nervous, but at the same time felt the rush of knowing he was going to be doing something that would anger Bruce. Wait! What was he thinking? This-this isn't him!

"I can't do this. Why am I even here with you?"

"Oh man up Dickie boy. Let loose. I won't let anything happen to you."

For once, Dick let go, and gave in.

They didn't know a certain Dark Knight was monitoring Dick's whole conversation with the alternate him that wasn't there.

Batman had a feeling this would happen. It upset him to see his young ward talking to someone who wasn't there. He bugged Dick while he was in the Watchtower. A microphone and tracking chip was placed in his hair, so small it's not able to be felt or even noticed. He followed Dick, monitoring his levels as he followed the invisible vision. Dick walked into a store, and came back empty handed, but a large bulge in his pocket. Something wasn't right. He soon watched Dick climb up a stairwell and on top of an apartment building. Batman's heart skipped a beat when he got closer to the ledge. Dick had nothing on him, so he wouldn't be able to brace his fall if he fell. However, he wasn't expecting to have Dick pull out a gun aimed right across the building at… him.


	8. Blinded from the Light

Chapter 8:

Dick was feeling free. Running, flying with his clone. The clone led him to an apartment stairwell, and soon on top of the building.

"Dickie-boy, look over there. That guy, he's new scum in town. He's got a gun pointed straight for you."

Dick panicked and almost considered calling Batman. Wait- he could handle this. He was Robin after all.

He aimed his gun, and fired, feeling a new sort of adrenaline rush. Wait, a gun? This isn't right? How did he get a gun?

He felt his sense let go, and well, he attacked the figure coming at him, dodging his shots. He didn't care anymore. This was him, no more fighting this. He took a deep breath, embraced it, and let it happen.

Batman leapt out of the way, and jumped to Dick's building.

"I don't know who you are, scum. But say goodbye to Gotham."

"Dick! It's-it's me. Bruce.."

"Don't play games with me fool."

Batman was shocked to see Dick's eyes had become yellow. He slapped Dick in the face.

"STOP THIS!"

Dick snapped out of it.

"Wha-what?"

Batman knocked him out, called another Leaguer to fill in for him (to his dismay) and left to the Bat Cave.

When he felt a slap to the face he sensed like something wasn't right.

This new scum was-was Batman?

HE AIMED A _GUN_ AT THE BATMAN!

_'No no no no.'_

All he felt was blackness-and he was gone.


	9. Self-Loathing

Chapter 9:

"Waaaakkeeeee uppppp. DICK. WAKE UP. NOW. YOU ARE IN DANGER."

Dick awoke with a start in the Bat Mobile rumbling beneath him.

"You can rebel Dick. All the anger, pain you've ever felt. Imagine what'll happen when you get home. GET OUT NOW." alternate him said in his head.

"Richard. John. Grayson. What in the world is going on?" Batman was giving him the glare through his mask.

Dick started shaking and hyperventilating.

"It's not safe here. No. No. NO!" He punched a hole through the sunroof and jumped out.

"DICK, COME BACK!"

But the Dick he knew was long gone.

It took Batman all night. All fucking night to find his son- or what used to be his son. He radioed in to Superman, Green Arrow and Flash to help find Dick. He was worried and didn't know what to do.

'_I've failed him.. I've failed.' _ He thought to himself. His radio vibrated and he answered it to a winded Superman screaming in his ear.

"I've got him Bruce! I've got him.. But what's happened to him…?"

Bruce didn't even want to reply.

Back at the Bat Cave, Superman and Batman were discussing what to do with Dick.

"Batman, _Bruce,_ he needs help. You're going to hate me for saying this, but maybe Arkham is-"

The Man of Steel didn't get to finish his sentence; was cut off by a right hook to the nose.

"ABSOLUTELY. NOT. Clark, it's a nuthouse there. I can't send him there. I can't. His eyes are yellow! Maybe there's a toxin we missed!"

"We've ran every test possible _multiple_ times. He's not the same. He went against every moral code you have tonight Bruce. This- this isn't okay."

"I can't do that to him. He's my son…"

"Maybe just for the time being Bruce, until you figure out something better."

"…. *sighs* okay Clark. O-fucking-kay."


	10. Don't Look Back

Chapter 10:

Dick woke up in a cell. A fucking cell.

"What-what? Where am I?"

"You're in Arkham, Dick. You need help." Dick looked through the slit on his door to Bruce staring through it.

"How dare you. HOW DARE YOU."

"You really think I wanted to?! You went against every rule Dick. You. Pointed. A. Gun. At. Me. And shot!"

"I- what..?"

"Don't even play dumb with me Dick. I love you, but you- you need what's best right now."

"So Arkham? ARKHAM?"

"I'm sorry, Richard. I'll be back later to see you."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING."

Bruce stared into his son's now changing eyes. One was yellow, and one was blue. Bruce wanted to explode, but didn't look back as he heard his baby bird's cell door open, and his screams become silenced.


	11. Numb

Chapter 11:

It's been three years. Dick is now 16. Beating, after beating, after beating. Dick became numb to the feeling. Arkham was so fucked up. Hell, he became numb to every feeling. Everything but the voices and the visions.

Bruce visited Dick every night. As the Batman, of course. Dick became beaten and bruised, and Batman could do nothing but hate himself more and more every day.

Dick was surprised when one early morning they handcuffed him and put him in the back of a bullet-proof truck. Dick's hair grew long and shaggy. He grew taller and leaner in the past year. His face was more sunken, and his eyes were dull. There was nothing left to him anymore.

"Suck it up, crazy. You're going to fight."

Just like that, Dick and other prisoners were being sent to fight for a place he had no clue existed.

He didn't care anymore. He shut down, and shut himself off. No one would miss him. His super hero days were over, and so was any hope of anyone believing anything he said. He hoped he would die here.


	12. Clarity

Chapter 12:

Batman screamed with agony when he realized Dick, and other prisoners, were no longer in Arkham. Joker was, however. He barged into Joker's cell and threw him against a wall.

"Where are the other prisoners?"

"Heheheheheh! Good morning Batsy!"

"TELL ME!"

"Alright, alright, relax! Sent to Germany. To fight in a hell-war."

Batman turned blank.

"Oh, didn't get to say goodbye? You said goodbye when you threw Boy Blunder in here. Yes, I know who you really are. I won't tell a soul. Not yet, anyway. Funny thing about your Robin there." He smirked and waggled his ugly eyebrows.

"NO. WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"Well, ya see Batsy. During our fight before Bane, those three, agonizing years ago, I stabbed your little side-kid. He was poisoned by a toxin on the knife, followed by a spray of long lasting venom. After I was captured, the drug dealing was needed. The scents in the building there were planted by me, kick started the drugs. Followed by the high amounts of adrenaline from the the little fight with Bane set the venom into the blood stream, Blunder slowly became bombarded with visions and voices, taking over his emotions and causing him to black out. The venom lasts for a long time, untraceable for the first two years. He morphed into something you swore to stop. Quite frankly it was a wonderful plan. Taking the Boy Blunder out of business and causing you the burden of ruining your child was a double whammy. I absolutely love it."

Batman was stunned.

"The best part, Batsy, you'll never be able to find him, after where he's going. Even with your sources. He won't be the same boy you remember." Joker fell into a laughing fit.

Batman lifted Joker by the throat and slammed him into the wall, screaming louder with each slam. Each punch sent the Joker laughing even harder. He felt his knees buckle and his body become weaker and weaker. He couldn't take it anymore. He slammed Joker's head into the floor, and walked out of Arkham. He didn't look back.

He was going to find Dick.

He was going to make this right.

_**To Be Continued**_

Well everyone, that's it for now! The sequel will be up soon. Please review!


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